Dear Goal Weight, It’s Not You, It’s Me
Dear Goal Weight,
We need to talk…
I have chased after you, and your promises of happiness and self-acceptance, my whole life. You have always teased and tempted me, but still all I ever wanted was you. If only I could reach you, I’d have my happy ever after. I succumbed to your call, crashing into pieces with every failed attempt to attain you. You constantly denied my ticket to happiness by remaining unavailable, so I had no choice but to remain broken, miserable, and helpless.
Hard-to-get was your favorite game to play with me, and, boy, did you play me. But, guess what Goal Weight? Now the tables have turned. I’m closer than ever to making you mine, you are knocking at my door, but now that I can have you, I’m no longer interested. I’m shocked I feel this way, I’m sure you are too. My heart has grown cold toward you. You are no longer my “dreamy” goal weight, because now I am able to see you as you really are.
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“What happened?” you must be asking yourself. A lot has happened, actually. Mainly this book, which showed me how to respect myself for who I really am. But also consistency over time showed me I am capable of great things. Great things that have nothing to do with anything you can offer, so I’m over you. Consider this our official break-up – an end to what most certainly has been the most abusive relationship I’ve ever been in. I am no longer going to allow you to rule over me. I’m breaking free, and here’s why:
I don’t need you to be happy with my body
You see, I was in a deep pit of weight loss despair when Eliza Kingsford came to my rescue. She told me I wasn’t alone in feeling down about my lack of progress on my road to you. She told me, “the problem is your mind is conflicted about yourself. You hate how you look and desire to change, but can’t seem to make it happen” – perhaps because I was caught in your web of lies. Eliza continued, “This kind of thinking gets in the way of your goals because it keeps you in a constant state of negativity until you reach the state you desire sometime in the future.”
With that she shook things up, blew my mind, and encouraged me to, right then and there, work toward accepting and loving myself now, without you. Could I be happy without YOU? I had grown tired of your games anyway, so I was determined to find out.
It wasn’t an overnight change, but with the tools this book gave me, I slowly and steadily forged my path to self-love. Now, a year and a half later, I’ve all but perfected the practice of self-acceptance, and my weight is truly nothing but a number. No celebration if it is low, no cursing if it is high. You no longer have control over me or my feelings, Goal Weight. My emotional detachment from you brings me a level of contentment I didn’t know was possible. It still surprises me sometimes and I’m sure you’re surprised that I can live – no, THRIVE without you.
You Made Empty Promises You Could Never Keep.
Turns out the happiness with my aesthetics you always promised you’d deliver was all a lie. I discovered on my quest to have you, that no matter what size I am, it’s easy to find something I don’t like about my body. There will ALWAYS be something, no matter what I weigh or what I look like. I realize now that finding inner happiness and acceptance as I am will bring far more joy into my life than you ever could.
You tried to make me feel worthless, but you’re the one who doesn’t matter…and you never did! I learned how to be happy on my own, and have been just fine without you, every step and weigh-in along the way.
The closer I got to you, the more I realized you wouldn’t solve any problems! My problem areas are not going away, they’re just becoming smaller – and they are just as annoying as always. I still have a gut, so pants still don’t fit properly. They cut into my stomach, because if they don’t, they slide off my hips. I like how they look much better than before, don’t get me wrong, but it’s just as much of an uncomfortable hassle now as it was then. Plus, let’s not forget cellulite and newly acquired loose skin… all these problems still exist, yet I stand right beside you.
The dream body you promised was an illusion to keep me chasing after you. I see through you now, and I’m done with you. I have found the power within myself to be happy without you.
My new goals and you have grown apart.
My only goal used to be a number on the scale. Now my goals have everything to do with my body composition and abilities, and nothing to do with my weight. My current goals CAN NEVER BE MEASURED BY YOU, GOAL WEIGHT, rendering you completely and utterly useless.
You told me I’d have a perfectly toned, flab free body at 145 pounds. Turns out, that’s not the case. I want to be ripped, and that hasn’t happened, no matter how close I get. Yet, I know a woman who weighs 165 pounds and doesn’t have an ounce of fat, and another who is shredded at 145. I weigh 145 and I’m not. I can’t achieve what I’m after based on weight alone. So, goodbye, Goal Weight. There’s somebody else, and that person’s name is Strength. Functional, visible muscles are what I’m looking for, and you, Goal Weight, are unable to give me what I need.
I Don’t Care!
In the words of Lloyd Christmas in Dumb and Dumber – “I DON’T CAAAAAAAAAARE!” It’s true. I just no longer care about the number on the scale. I’m not in camp #screwthescale or a #neverweigher either, but after 4 years of constantly dieting and giving you all the power, I have become numb to what you tell me.
The smarter I got about weight loss, the less it mattered what you had to say. I’m so indifferent towards you, I feel absolutely nothing, despite being closer to you than I’ve ever been. A mere 2 pounds separate us, but I no longer need you make me whole. I get it now – you don’t have any influence over who I truly am.
My personality, heart, and soul haven’t transformed, and will never magically change at any weight. I’m the same kind, generous, funny person I was at X pounds, who deserved so much more credit, grace, and self-love than I gave myself. The number has never had any bearing on who I am at the core, it just took me a long time to realize it.
I think that’s the best I can explain it, Goal Weight.
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all bad between us. We had our moments and our share of fun. You helped kickstart my fitness journey, and for that I am forever grateful to have known you. I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed…that I wasted so much of my time and energy focusing on you when I could’ve been enjoying myself.
I finally realized on this journey, Goal Weight, that all I really wanted was a capable body…one that can keep up with my kids and do all the fun things in life. I can’t put a number on a goal like that. So I’m done giving you power over my happiness. Now I use the scale merely as a tool for data collection, and what it tells me has nothing to do with you or how I feel. I found the power to accept who I am no matter what size I am, level up my goals, and BREAK FREE from you and your lies.
Not only am I kicking you to the curb, but I’m encouraging others to join me in breaking up with their own Goal Weights. People are getting wise to your lies, so brace yourself – you are about to feel very alone. It’s time to strive for bigger and better things! I will show them what I have learned over the course of our doomed relationship so they can get over you and move on just like me.
Nice knowing ya, Goal Weight.
Mom
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I need this today, “I am capable of great things. Great things that have nothing to do with anything you can offer,”. Thank you. I am breaking up with Goal Weight and focusing on doing great things!
Yeah you are! Proud of you. Thanks for reading, and for your feedback.